Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave……

Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave……

I’d like to share something with you.  Something I’ve learned (the hard way) in my life.  Beware the tangled web you weave. Why?  Because of the exhausting effort of weaving the web and maintaining it?  Eh…. there is that aspect… but no.  Because you might get found out? Eh…. that risk exists also… but no.

For me, I have found that the weaving of the web comes at a price I have no interest in paying anymore. Admittedly when I was younger I didn’t realize I was paying a price while weaving the web and playing the “game”.   What is the price?  Since we are all different we will find the price we pay to be as individual as we are.  For some of us the price may be trivial or we may believe it doesn’t exist at all.  For other the price can be so much higher.  You have weaved such an intricate web of who you supposedly are that it is may seem almost impossible to live up to it or break free of it. The web you weave now really controls you.

spider web woman_219137518

 

 

 

 

 

The world of Social Media just takes all of this to a whole new level.  Marketing “perfection”… “hiding” our imperfections.   We get a “pass” on “lying” because it is rationalized, justified and accepted in our culture.  To the point that it isn’t even referred to as lying. It’s just “social media” and “marketing“.  It’s “how the game is played”.

Do NOT misunderstand me.  I do not “dislike” social media as a concept. I use Facebook in my personal life to keep up with what is going on in everyone’s lives that I care about.  And… I just ADORE my twitter friends – Especially @lauren, @CommsNinja, @amyengineer, @ucgod, @subnetwork, @wifijanitor….. oops….. I digress.

I’m trying to say is there is a HUGE temptation, in my opinion, to focus on the “media” part of “social media”.  Only really putting out there half truths…. only the stuff that we think makes us look good.

I turn 50 next year.  Yup.  Big “5”  “0”.  I have spent a lot of time and energy “weaving webs”. Trying to “influence” and “control” your view and opinion of me.

What have I learned the hard way in my years that I desperately want to share with you?  Lies distance us from “true” connections with other people.  Did you know that people truly connect with each other more through our frailties and our human side than through our “perfections”?   Are your webs helping you or blocking you?  Are you sure?

Let me get the broom out and destroy a few of my webs.  🙂

  • Freshman year in College – came home with my tail between my legs after the first 2 trimesters at Ohio State University
  • Waitress for awhile
  • Go back to college again — but this time go to a local community college and live at home with Mom and Dad
  • Apply to Rutgers University – family member asks a family friend who is a professor at Rutgers to write a letter of recommendation to help get me in.
  • Senior year of college interview on site for a job and get a verbal offer from a manager.  Get a call the next day that he needs to pull the offer because my GPA isn’t the minimum that they require and he hadn’t looked at it the day before. Family member writes a letter for me RE: “verbal agreement, etc”.  I sign it and send it off.  Get a phone call from manager laughing saying he loved the letter “I wrote”.  Based on that letter he explained to HR/personnel that he “had” to have me and hire me.
  • In 1996 when I first got hired by Cisco I was scared and thought I wasn’t “smart enough” and they were sooner or later going to figure that out.
  • Tried to pass CCIE C&S (now CCIE SP) twice – failed both attempts.  Few years later paid for a bootcamp myself and tried CCIE SP lab twice more and failed both attempts.

I’m not suggesting you tear all your webs down.  Just that you might want to take an active look at them and acknowledge the impact they have and the role they play in your life.

 

 

  • Fernando

    loved your post, thanks for sharing. One thing that came to mind as I was reading it was Ayn Rand’s quote about lying – https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8141-people-think-that-a-liar-gains-a-victory-over-his

    Social media allows us to lie at scale, if we choose to do so.

    Many thanks for keeping it real, and fun.

    Cheers!

    • Denise “Fish” Fishburne

      Just read that quote. Wonderful quote! Thanks for sharing it!

  • Let me tell you this, you are one wise woman. All those little details along the way are what it takes to become who we are — and the details don’t always follow everyone’s idea of a master plan. Because they’re real. My favorite word is “authenticity.” It’s a hard word to live up to, but I feel best when I do. Thank you for being real.

    • Denise “Fish” Fishburne

      I make a LOT of mistakes. I also make a LOT of the same mistakes over and over. For example, right now, I have found myself (AGAIN) in a screwed up work/life balance. Kinda not quite doing so great on care-taking the body, spirit, and soul. I wish I could say that I don’t always learn the hard way. But I pretty much ONLY seem to ever learn the hard way.
      I’m not also always authentic. For me to truly be 100% authentic would, of course, also mean without the walls that protect and defend us in this world. There are also times where we all, admittedly, kinda “agree” not to “go deep” and be “ourselves” but to keep things more surface. Like cocktail party type things.
      Truth? — I can “chameleon” very quickly to adapt to this things. But it is sooooo much energy.
      Much to what you said RE: being authentic “I feel best when I do”